I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
