The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
