I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Randomize
