Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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