whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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