If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Randomize
