how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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