the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
