remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Randomize
