dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
