either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
