dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
