You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
