I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
