she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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