Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
wow bdsm is so cute
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
