i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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