She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
