I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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