I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
