You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
two words: eviction party
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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