So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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