So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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