ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
