i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
