I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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