I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
