found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Welp...herpes.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
