Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I love having hate sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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