I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
