She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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