Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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