I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
