WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
