dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
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