Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
