yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
