is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
whose ass print is on the piano?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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