I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
