I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
