You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
