she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
