I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
