He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
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How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
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When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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