see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Duck Duck Cougar?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
