we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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