I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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