i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
