Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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