i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Randomize
