Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
