he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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