Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Randomize
