I can text with my tongue
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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