I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
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