I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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