Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
