Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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