things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
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