when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
