Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
