Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He better not be in your backpack
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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