I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
