moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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