I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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