i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
My ATM looks so different sober.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
