I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
