there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
