Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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