fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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