he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
