I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
