that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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