one two three fourrrrnication!
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
