Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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