Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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