don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I got her a Nickelback box set.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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