Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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