If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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