I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
only you would photoshop your dick
Sober January is a disaster.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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