You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
