Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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