You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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